they will see us waving from suchgreatheights
Sunday, February 20, 2005
michael buble.is.awesome.
isnt it funny how things can change, and how you suddenly realise how lonely u feel. but everyone hurts sometimes, or so they say. as much as i try to convince myself that someday, everything will be okay, my aching heart tells me otherwise. what is it that i want? even i dont know myself. it was not too long ago when i had dreams of living in nyc. and now, my dreams are crushed. i guess all i can do is wait.
they say that one day i'll realise that im too young to live this bravely. one day, all my fantasies will crash down like a plane and combust, die away and i'll be the one being called 'stupid'. then why is it that another part of me is so hurt by their mere words and all i really wanna do is to runaway from home.
whatever it is, i hope i get accepted in UNSW. and i hope i get grades good enough to do a double degree. the a-s are going to be out soon. nothing seems to register with me anymore. everything is like a passing phase, a temporary transition. i feel tired, so damned tired. from what you may ask? i can only remain guilty and say nothing/
i hope i get accepted in UWA. or if i really must, i'll take a law degree with a private school and at the last year, i'll go london. but that's not my option. i hope i can get a scholarship after a year of studying in a local uni and get the helloutofhere. that's how desperate i am. i have no more choices. nothing left. cos they abandoned me and they could only patronizingly tell me that they would send me to nyc. but no, it was all a big FAT lie.
but UNSW? doesnt sound that bad. at least im outta here.
michael buble charms my socks off. i love him and i wanna cry each time i hear him sing. i put him on through the whole night(yes, i bought his cd 'this time' and it's friggin' awesome) and dream about marrying a man as charming as his voice.men are all jerks.be it whether they're mr nice guy or not.
what is it with us that they dont like? what is it about me, why do i keep repelling men,love and people? is it the insecurity? is it the angst and bitterness? what? what? what? if not for them, not for the damned pain HE caused me, i wouldnt be so jaded yes,no? what? what?
social night was a complete joke. social night meaning the need to 'socialise'. stand around and talk. but i didnt know anyone. half the time i was messaging malcom(cute guy is now suddenly my super good friend)and wishing i could GET OUT. as in GET AWAY from fabian as well.
no doubt, good to see him again. but all the pain suddenly just came rushing back and it was painful. i just wanted to come home, watch friends in bed and cry through the laughs. he tells me how much he misses her, how much he loves her. and all i could do? sit and say 'it's alright im sure she misses u too' but at the back of my head, i am, i seriously am plotting to kill her. and him. whatever.whoever stands in my way.
anyway, malcom is a really nice person. i guess he's a real man.but i still dont know anything about him..whatever. we're going out tmrw night. watching 'dangerous liaisons'. it's been some time since i watched a play. but that's good, at least i have something in common with him.
whatever. i am tired of this thing called 'love'. of everything.every.single.f-ing.thing.
on a different note altogether: i went red,ashenblonde and blonde. and i have gotten my eyebrow piercing. it was a call of rebellion i had during the week. i needed to channel all i felt, out , out of my system. but it didnt work now did it?
but my hair is nice. how a mixture of such odd colours can go is a mystery as always to me. but well. whatever. i love it. and i hope i work it. (apologise the ego talk, i need to feel myself as a person and not a random wondering soul u may catch alone at borders)
music: michael buble- home
they say that one day i'll realise that im too young to live this bravely. one day, all my fantasies will crash down like a plane and combust, die away and i'll be the one being called 'stupid'. then why is it that another part of me is so hurt by their mere words and all i really wanna do is to runaway from home.
whatever it is, i hope i get accepted in UNSW. and i hope i get grades good enough to do a double degree. the a-s are going to be out soon. nothing seems to register with me anymore. everything is like a passing phase, a temporary transition. i feel tired, so damned tired. from what you may ask? i can only remain guilty and say nothing/
i hope i get accepted in UWA. or if i really must, i'll take a law degree with a private school and at the last year, i'll go london. but that's not my option. i hope i can get a scholarship after a year of studying in a local uni and get the helloutofhere. that's how desperate i am. i have no more choices. nothing left. cos they abandoned me and they could only patronizingly tell me that they would send me to nyc. but no, it was all a big FAT lie.
but UNSW? doesnt sound that bad. at least im outta here.
michael buble charms my socks off. i love him and i wanna cry each time i hear him sing. i put him on through the whole night(yes, i bought his cd 'this time' and it's friggin' awesome) and dream about marrying a man as charming as his voice.men are all jerks.be it whether they're mr nice guy or not.
what is it with us that they dont like? what is it about me, why do i keep repelling men,love and people? is it the insecurity? is it the angst and bitterness? what? what? what? if not for them, not for the damned pain HE caused me, i wouldnt be so jaded yes,no? what? what?
social night was a complete joke. social night meaning the need to 'socialise'. stand around and talk. but i didnt know anyone. half the time i was messaging malcom(cute guy is now suddenly my super good friend)and wishing i could GET OUT. as in GET AWAY from fabian as well.
no doubt, good to see him again. but all the pain suddenly just came rushing back and it was painful. i just wanted to come home, watch friends in bed and cry through the laughs. he tells me how much he misses her, how much he loves her. and all i could do? sit and say 'it's alright im sure she misses u too' but at the back of my head, i am, i seriously am plotting to kill her. and him. whatever.whoever stands in my way.
anyway, malcom is a really nice person. i guess he's a real man.but i still dont know anything about him..whatever. we're going out tmrw night. watching 'dangerous liaisons'. it's been some time since i watched a play. but that's good, at least i have something in common with him.
whatever. i am tired of this thing called 'love'. of everything.every.single.f-ing.thing.
on a different note altogether: i went red,ashenblonde and blonde. and i have gotten my eyebrow piercing. it was a call of rebellion i had during the week. i needed to channel all i felt, out , out of my system. but it didnt work now did it?
but my hair is nice. how a mixture of such odd colours can go is a mystery as always to me. but well. whatever. i love it. and i hope i work it. (apologise the ego talk, i need to feel myself as a person and not a random wondering soul u may catch alone at borders)
music: michael buble- home
posted by jo # 2:28 PM 