they will see us waving from suchgreatheights

what is wrong with me, i'll never know. how come i can never ever make anything ever go right, that i'll never know either. it's like there is some kind of defect in me, trying to make everything and make everyone feel miserable. and you know what, it doesnt fucking help that i don't feel any better about it.
i looked forward to spending the night with him. but then i get the dates wrong. and now i cant, HURRAH! i just want to sleep, and i get a trashing down from my mom in the morning for still being in bed (cant people sleep at 1am and get up at noon anymore?)
how come nothing i do ever turns out right. how come people just want to keep making me feel like i should be shot dead, buried 6 feet under.
how come everytime i try telling myself that everything's going to be okay, it never turns out okay. only turns out worse. i just cant stand it anymore. don't laugh and make it seem like it doesn't matter. cos it does. it fucking does. and it hurts more than anything when you feel like someone is trivialising every ounce of pain ure feeling. you know?
i just want to talk to someone. but i dont know who. because no one seems to want to take me seriously anymore. like i dont really matter.
maybe no one really will understand. becos i so dont myself.