they will see us waving from suchgreatheights
Saturday, August 06, 2005
finally, im settled down into hall and uni life.and the sad reality of it all is that i cant seem to find anyone that i can really clique with. well, maybe there are a few potential people i can see myself being friends with but..then again, maybe i was too late to start approaching people. but nonetheless, i like this independence. reality check has it that now i have to do my own laundry, keep my side of the room clean and do my work every night. although it's tiring sometimes, cos school is long and dreary, but i think i like the independence that uni life brings me. the fact that i work on my own, i am forced to do research, readings and be on my own.
just because im so far away from people that are close to my heart, makes me sad. sad for the fact that when i need to be with someone im comfortable with, i cant do so. saddened by the fact that mary's back and i havent had the chance to spend time with her. saddened by the fact that i go through day to day with faces i see so often, they're all smiles and niceness but yet there this distance that i cannot go to. i cannot talk to them like i can with my girlfriends, i cannot talk to them like i am me, comfortable in my own skin. instead, i have to continuouslly think of what to say, how to say, how to make an impression. one lasting enough for them to remember my name, my face, my status, my everything. but nothing seems to work much. i go through each day with an emptiness so vast, that it feels nothing like an infinite hole. they're all faces i see, and talk to, but their faces seem like a blurred image. they dont remain in my head for long..and neither do i, to them i suppose. maybe it's the narcissistic tendencies of mine that is keeping me this way. but i try and with each day, i try harder. but it's getting so tiring. no one said it was going to be easy yeah? i guess this is what staying in boon lay entails. a life that will be lead day to day, on my own and so ironically, not too-surrounded by the large masses of people that say 'hi' and then walk away with a 'bye'.
just because im so far away from people that are close to my heart, makes me sad. sad for the fact that when i need to be with someone im comfortable with, i cant do so. saddened by the fact that mary's back and i havent had the chance to spend time with her. saddened by the fact that i go through day to day with faces i see so often, they're all smiles and niceness but yet there this distance that i cannot go to. i cannot talk to them like i can with my girlfriends, i cannot talk to them like i am me, comfortable in my own skin. instead, i have to continuouslly think of what to say, how to say, how to make an impression. one lasting enough for them to remember my name, my face, my status, my everything. but nothing seems to work much. i go through each day with an emptiness so vast, that it feels nothing like an infinite hole. they're all faces i see, and talk to, but their faces seem like a blurred image. they dont remain in my head for long..and neither do i, to them i suppose. maybe it's the narcissistic tendencies of mine that is keeping me this way. but i try and with each day, i try harder. but it's getting so tiring. no one said it was going to be easy yeah? i guess this is what staying in boon lay entails. a life that will be lead day to day, on my own and so ironically, not too-surrounded by the large masses of people that say 'hi' and then walk away with a 'bye'.
posted by jo # 10:26 AM 