they will see us waving from suchgreatheights

i wished the crying would subside, and the emotions in me would stop raging for a moment. i have gone on on nothing for a long, long time now and i'm so tired. i wished i knew how to stop these tears that flow, how to keep these thoughts that i so fear, far away, away from me. please hold my hand love, hold me tight and let me feel safe. cos i feel like i'm losing you, losing myself in all this jadedness, this blackness that is caving in every day. i don't think i ask for much, all i ask is for you to spend some days with me. when the rain is heavy and my heart weighs a ton, all i want is for your familiar scent to be the very and only thing i can take in. but the distance kills me each week and i scare myself with the thoughts i have tried with all my might to shut out. i am just so tired of these incessant messages of how i am a failure at every thing. how i cant play the role of everything i was made to be properly, and correctly.

where was the lover i had dreamt of, and the closeness i desire. how come all that i have planned for is falling apart, falling all apart. the very me is shutting down and i don't think anyone is close to knowing it. the picture of me looking at you and smiling sits before me-- where is that now? where are you love? where has it all gone. i am sorry i am so needy, that i can't stand on my two feet. i am sorry that all i can do is cry because i miss you so very much, i really don't think u have any idea the depth it goes into. pretentiously i keep all of it under my skin, but i feel it is getting harder for me to run away anymore. i am just so tired of crying. i am so so tired. i want to shut down. maybe it was better i never knew what love could do to me, remained numb and cold till the day i die.