they will see us waving from suchgreatheights

i positively thought a good sleep was all i needed, because i don't think i can be honest with you any longer. i can't tell you that i have a headache from hell. and guess what? it hurts, more than the pain that is refuses to back then from inside me. because once i do open my mouth, you will start, all over again, right from the start. and i can't take all that shit anymore. it's a cycle that i hate and i try to keep it all inside. i want it all to end so desperately, but i don't know where to begin. because you, you are making so tired, and i don't think i can ignore this pain, any more than you can/ so im just so painfully sorry, i cant even open my mouth to speak.

if i had wanted to destroy myself, i would, and i can i believe. but i believe in my morals more than anyone. stop assuming that i am trying to drive myself to my own death, because that is not what i want. how do i make you see. pls, just tell me how. every single day it presses me to the end and i cant let it go just like that. because you are my mother and i love you. yes, i love you. but you make it so damn hard for me to continue. you are tearing me up inside and i dont want to hate you.

pls just understand. i could take all the drugs, smoke all the cigarettes, have sex and drink booze. i can lead the kinda lifestyle, but i choose not to. i live my life in hope that i can provide a good life for you and the father in future, but pls dont make me hate you. because i fear that it'd be too easy for me to go into that zone.