they will see us waving from suchgreatheights

perhaps it's the lack of having someone stay long enough to be my companion, or that im too tired of putting my emotions on the front of things, i guess it's just everything. i havent been able to articulate these feelings that swing me round and round; and you know, i'm just quite sick of it all.
perhaps it's this song that i wrote with cal 2 years ago, when i was too emo for my own good, with a boy that just didn't love me enough. and he left, leaving me with ounces of pain, bolts of such strong hate that i still remember till this very day. and guess what? i have this song on repeat. yet it conjures not memories of this boy, but of nostalgia and such. of my life in vj and how i wished i could trace back certain steps, to certain people and change everything entirely. to apologise for being the girl i was, and that i am now what i am today.

i promised myself that i wouldnt feel, that i wouldnt remember the past, for i am not too strong on my own to face the regrets, and the consequences. and then i met the boy now, who told me he'd keep me safe from all things hurtful. but this promise seems to have drifted away, or at least my sensitivity, insecurities have all gotten the better of me.

i need a book, that will speak to me. like prozac nation by elizabeth wurtzel. but wouldnt land me in bed, just wanting to sleep all day and run away from reality. and it wouldnt land me in depression, for i think im close to it at this moment.

depression, depression. my once forgotten friend now revisited.

becos i could not stop for death, he kindly stopped for me.

--on every other note, anyone who is feeling nice, buy me the chronicles of narnia by c.s lewis dammit!