they will see us waving from suchgreatheights
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
these days i sleep later, and later. and later. and i wake up, feeling heavy hearted. when will this cycle end?
singapore has officially NO good clubs. gotham penthouse was sadly, very disappointing. but mary, elkx and i managed to get into one night stand, and they were playing salsa and other stuff, which was friggin awesome. but gotham..PISS. :( dbl o seems to be only place that plays relatively good music, considerably by our high high standards. it had better stay that way. if not, id be pissing upset.
anyway, singaporeans are boring people. tomorrow's a public holiday, but no one roams the streets and party. and being in a cheena uni, makes it all the worse.. shit la.
i might update here pretty often now. now that i havent got you to tell things to anymore. the past me, was angry and very hurt. i was emo and went through a phase of being goth, wanting to wear black eyeliner, cut myself and write words like 'i want to die'. now, i seemingly have outgrown that phase. maybe it was because of you.. if i think positively. but now, it seems like i am just too jaded. just a little too much. and i miss you. hell i miss you. but i try not to think about it, yet it keeps coming back. what do i do now? i am tired, really. and i want to take the back seat, let the steering wheel go outta control. but will i spiral into nothingness, and lose you as my friend even. i fear thinking about you, becos it might bring me back to all the pain of leaving you and missing you. and if that happens, i might just give in and call you again. but that's not what you want anymore. you don't want to hear from me, you just want space. space i give, and space fills me inside and space makes me very silent about this pain i feel. i don't know what to do, and i don't want to think. so i go through the motions of the day, just trying to pretend it's all okay, but it's not, it's not. not even the least bit. would you move on? would you find someone else? what happened to us? how come i see the photos of us and i can only smile, but cry too, for we were so perfect and so right? had it all disappeared? what happened to the dreams we spun together? see, im thinking again, and im remembering. when i shouldnt really. i cannot write anymore, i can't. it's too painful. just too painful.
(i love you, and i'm sorry).
but it's not so bad, you're only the best i ever had.
singapore has officially NO good clubs. gotham penthouse was sadly, very disappointing. but mary, elkx and i managed to get into one night stand, and they were playing salsa and other stuff, which was friggin awesome. but gotham..PISS. :( dbl o seems to be only place that plays relatively good music, considerably by our high high standards. it had better stay that way. if not, id be pissing upset.
anyway, singaporeans are boring people. tomorrow's a public holiday, but no one roams the streets and party. and being in a cheena uni, makes it all the worse.. shit la.
i might update here pretty often now. now that i havent got you to tell things to anymore. the past me, was angry and very hurt. i was emo and went through a phase of being goth, wanting to wear black eyeliner, cut myself and write words like 'i want to die'. now, i seemingly have outgrown that phase. maybe it was because of you.. if i think positively. but now, it seems like i am just too jaded. just a little too much. and i miss you. hell i miss you. but i try not to think about it, yet it keeps coming back. what do i do now? i am tired, really. and i want to take the back seat, let the steering wheel go outta control. but will i spiral into nothingness, and lose you as my friend even. i fear thinking about you, becos it might bring me back to all the pain of leaving you and missing you. and if that happens, i might just give in and call you again. but that's not what you want anymore. you don't want to hear from me, you just want space. space i give, and space fills me inside and space makes me very silent about this pain i feel. i don't know what to do, and i don't want to think. so i go through the motions of the day, just trying to pretend it's all okay, but it's not, it's not. not even the least bit. would you move on? would you find someone else? what happened to us? how come i see the photos of us and i can only smile, but cry too, for we were so perfect and so right? had it all disappeared? what happened to the dreams we spun together? see, im thinking again, and im remembering. when i shouldnt really. i cannot write anymore, i can't. it's too painful. just too painful.
(i love you, and i'm sorry).
but it's not so bad, you're only the best i ever had.
posted by jo # 3:21 AM 