they will see us waving from suchgreatheights
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
so here i am sitting in cs226 lecture. am utterly amazed that i managed to drag my ass out of bed for an 830 lecture. so yay me.: )
ive been meaning to blog about some things in my head, but i havent gotten the chance to. just because.
1) school work is piling up, datelines to meet and readings to be finished but im a big FAT procrastinator for most part of my life, so boo.
2) tired from dancing too much, with aching feet and thighs.
3) don't know if i should be saying what i want to say, in fear of being stalked by random people.
and, many others.
but since kaychin has so kindly given us a 10 minute break, i shall. do something apart from stoning and not doing anything substantial.
so.
as i was saying earlier, ive been thinking about god, and my faith alot recently. it's never been a major issue because i thought i was better off without a god to believe in, or have some guilt constantly harping at the back of my head. and i thought it would stay this way, you know, carpe diem, live for the moment and not think too much. but these days, the battle i am fighting is making me rather tired, and even if i wanted to kick back and not give two hoots about the things that i should be bothered about, i know me, and i know i cant do it. because im a control freak, in some manner. and i actually miss going to church, but when i think about bringing myself to go into church, i cant seem to bring myself to do it. because i am afraid of seeing people that will make me feel guilty about running away. i am afraid that if i start, i am expected to keep up with it. i am afraid that if i go, i might just lose it and break this numbness of a shell i am masked under. it was so easy not to care, i'm not so sure about that anymore.
Mary Ann says HELLOOOOOOO!(i stopped to talk to eu and maryann about our proj and she chose to do this and kaychin came up to me and told me not to panic, so that means i failed ga1. sigh but i guess i deserved it)
i am really hating school this sem. REALLY. sometimes quitting seems easy.
and i am really hating being a useless friend. by that, i mean, i hate losing my cool with my friends who seem go mia on me all the time and yet i shut up about it. because you know what, i just don't see why i need to put in effort when no one really gives a shit. okay, i will incite nasty comments or ill feelings, but i can't care anymore. i just sometimes wonder why do i even bother. maybe no one really cares.
yeah, whatever.
i should listen to kaychin now/
random notes: i need a hair cut. and i love postsecret.blogspot.com. i need to pee. and i have pins and needles. baa baa black sheep. poo.
must.have.vintage.tee.from.num. ( i will fork out 50 bucks. WILL);)
want nike air force ones!-feet, lonely. poo.
ive been meaning to blog about some things in my head, but i havent gotten the chance to. just because.
1) school work is piling up, datelines to meet and readings to be finished but im a big FAT procrastinator for most part of my life, so boo.
2) tired from dancing too much, with aching feet and thighs.
3) don't know if i should be saying what i want to say, in fear of being stalked by random people.
and, many others.
but since kaychin has so kindly given us a 10 minute break, i shall. do something apart from stoning and not doing anything substantial.
so.
as i was saying earlier, ive been thinking about god, and my faith alot recently. it's never been a major issue because i thought i was better off without a god to believe in, or have some guilt constantly harping at the back of my head. and i thought it would stay this way, you know, carpe diem, live for the moment and not think too much. but these days, the battle i am fighting is making me rather tired, and even if i wanted to kick back and not give two hoots about the things that i should be bothered about, i know me, and i know i cant do it. because im a control freak, in some manner. and i actually miss going to church, but when i think about bringing myself to go into church, i cant seem to bring myself to do it. because i am afraid of seeing people that will make me feel guilty about running away. i am afraid that if i start, i am expected to keep up with it. i am afraid that if i go, i might just lose it and break this numbness of a shell i am masked under. it was so easy not to care, i'm not so sure about that anymore.
Mary Ann says HELLOOOOOOO!(i stopped to talk to eu and maryann about our proj and she chose to do this and kaychin came up to me and told me not to panic, so that means i failed ga1. sigh but i guess i deserved it)
i am really hating school this sem. REALLY. sometimes quitting seems easy.
and i am really hating being a useless friend. by that, i mean, i hate losing my cool with my friends who seem go mia on me all the time and yet i shut up about it. because you know what, i just don't see why i need to put in effort when no one really gives a shit. okay, i will incite nasty comments or ill feelings, but i can't care anymore. i just sometimes wonder why do i even bother. maybe no one really cares.
yeah, whatever.
i should listen to kaychin now/
random notes: i need a hair cut. and i love postsecret.blogspot.com. i need to pee. and i have pins and needles. baa baa black sheep. poo.
must.have.vintage.tee.from.num. ( i will fork out 50 bucks. WILL);)
want nike air force ones!-feet, lonely. poo.
posted by jo # 9:42 AM 