they will see us waving from suchgreatheights

so it's the end of another semester, a rather bad one if i could add. but ive gained some new insights, new friends, and lost some as well. now that i am done with the exams, i actually feel lonelier than i ever did before, and sometimes i think it's worse. while the exams was mind-numbingly shitty, having to face boring notes and miss out on all the fun, but at least i had a purpose to achieve at the end of the day, i had something to complete. but now. now, i just feel emptier, not knowing what to do with each day, with all the time i have in my hands. it's not as if i would have alot of to do with the end of the exams, because i am tired of calling my friends out and all of them rejecting me. i guess ive grown tired of all the rejection i have gotten. sometimes, i really feel like i have no real friends anymore. sad isn't it. 20 years old and a revelation that makes turning older even worse.

we're all growing up in our own peculiar ways, and i miss the times when i had some sort of certainty in my life. i catch up with my friends through reading their blogs (it's pathetic i know, i dont even get to catch up with anyone face to face), and i realise that everyone of us has changed. some are getting married, some have graduated, some have a life that i wished i had or was a part of their happiness. but yet, i dont know if i am happy, sad or numb. i guess on some level, i am hoping things to remain unchanged, and that i could stop all the time in the world, and get to know everything about everyone before things start to get crazy and befoer they unravel so fast through just the sight of some words, videos, photos and songs. but i cant be selfish. cos the world waits for no one. so if anyone is reading, hey, look at me, i am free and willing to talk. i sound desperate, but i am desperate to feel alive once again.

i am on a mission to complete lots and lots of books this holidays cos i wanna start writing again and well ive gotta draw inspiration from somewhere. i started owen slot's this finishing line today and im almost done with it. it's a refreshing read, seeing love through the eyes of a male. it's different from the usual hard core feminist reads i usually indulge in which ironically ends up with them living happily ever after.this never happens in reality. but i still read them anyway, just so i can comfort myself that i will mebbe one day find someone. god, i am sad.

ah well, it's 4am and i shld turn in. today hasnt been good, and i dont know why.

loneliness has become my soulmate, i have come to realise and live with. everyone is busy and has no time for me. it's boyfriends, activities, or a life more exciting than mine that has gotten the better of my time with people, and hence, i am now retreated away from my phone, the world and to the better of books and a huge cup of latte. let me go walk places where i am just a face without a name.

such an emo post, but whatever, like anyone really reads this.