they will see us waving from suchgreatheights

am very tempted to break out into a horrible rendition of paula (is her surname cole?) something's "where have all the cowboys gone?" but replacing "cowboys" with just "boys". in fact where have all the HOT men gone. it's so sad, as i zouked on wednesday with much loved tsd mates- lenny, gen (who insists she isnt bitter but obviously is!) , christine, yunnie and yos,amongst the rest of the world, and i swear, i didnt find one cute/good looking dude at all. this is so tak glam but i am going to whine and scream- HOW COME LIDDAT ONES.:( they were either botak, ching chong mamasans or were too drunk and thought much with their dicks and not their heads. seriously, i am beginning to wonder if god is just trying to play a cruel joke on me. so. WHERE have all the good men gone, tell me , cos i'll be there first in line waitin for my turn.

sigh.

mebbe i have grown too cynical, too jaded for my own good. but what the hell, everyone else is too, so spread the love baby, spread the love.

shisha-ed yesterday and mmmmmmm, i'm lovin' it! haha. and then popped by janelle's house in the middle of the night to give her a little birthday surprise. fun!

some say i am in depression, well maybe i am. does it matter anymore? not that it matters to me. i know i am in serious denial, and i really just cannot be bothered much anymore. sometimes i feel like i am close to tears, because i dont know how come i'm feeling this way, and i wished i could just talk to someone about it but i dont know how. i dont even know where to begin. i feel so distant from everyone, like there's a wall between me and the rest of the world and i want so badly to break it all down, but yet i can't. because i just don't know how. i want so badly to be rid of all this loneliness, this distance from people, and just be happy, but how come i just can't. i. just. can't. i hate it that i have to pretend to be hapy or that when people ask me 'are you okay', those 3 words can trigger a whole myriad of emotions. but yet, i would say 'i'm okay' when deep down i know i am not. and i am not even close to being okay. i just want my old life back, i want all my friends back. but everyones moving on and i am stuck behind trying to make sense of it all.they say i have dance to make itgo away. yeah, i do. but the euphoria lasts for only a short period of time, and then im back to square one. and trust me, when you dont see yourself improving and you try so hard to be good at something you arent, only to fail, there's not much joy in that. really.

i sound pathetic.

i should just go to bed, cos life wont be any better tomorrow when i wake up or any other day.